You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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