Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
