Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
