Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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