The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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