Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
