Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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