shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
