You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
