my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
