I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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