I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
