it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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