she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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