I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
