Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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