God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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