she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
