Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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