Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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