I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
