i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
