My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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