my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
