I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
