Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
