Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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