Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
