i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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