she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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