Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize