i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
