in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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