i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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