This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
