i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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