Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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