You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
