It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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