I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
