take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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