Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
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