It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
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Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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