im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You pole danced in your parka.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
