so explain again why im purple
no
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
vagina is talking i cant
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
