he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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