i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
