32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
