Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
