Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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