i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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