Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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