I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
