How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
