he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
