so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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