The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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