I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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