I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
