I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
