Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
