even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
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He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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