i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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