Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
