thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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