When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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