My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
