let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
