Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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