Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
