The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
