She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
