It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
