You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
only if we run a train.
done.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
