Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
